Rosie Wilson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forthsofar) wrote2020-08-06 02:32 pm
forthsofar) wrote2020-08-06 02:32 pm
Entry tags:
we were young and learning, steady hearts hate turning
Rosie takes a few days to get everything settled in her mind before she even considers bringing it up to Sabrina. All the things she wants, and the things she doesn't; what she has to have back out of the things she's given up, and everything that she's thrown aside for the better over the last year. She doesn't know if it's enough, will be enough, but she wants to try.
Nick, she thinks, might have wanted her to try. More than that, she loves Sabrina and Charlie too deeply to turn away from this. Whatever it becomes.
She and Sabrina agree to meet in the window of time between when Sabrina's finished at Leviathan and before Rosie has to go down to the restaurant in the evening. After a day or two of storms, the weather's cleared, the humidity all but gone with the rain; after getting them both drinks from a nearby cafe, it's easy for Rosie to find a mostly-dry spot of grass in the park where they can talk and enjoy the sun. That it also makes it easier for either of them to leave isn't worth thinking about, and she does her best not to.
She texts Sabrina her location, then settles down to wait, fingers fidgeting with the straw in her drink.
Nick, she thinks, might have wanted her to try. More than that, she loves Sabrina and Charlie too deeply to turn away from this. Whatever it becomes.
She and Sabrina agree to meet in the window of time between when Sabrina's finished at Leviathan and before Rosie has to go down to the restaurant in the evening. After a day or two of storms, the weather's cleared, the humidity all but gone with the rain; after getting them both drinks from a nearby cafe, it's easy for Rosie to find a mostly-dry spot of grass in the park where they can talk and enjoy the sun. That it also makes it easier for either of them to leave isn't worth thinking about, and she does her best not to.
She texts Sabrina her location, then settles down to wait, fingers fidgeting with the straw in her drink.
no subject
Sabrina takes her hands, and even though there's still that sick twist of guilt inside her, regret that speaking her mind had caused so much pain, it's washed over by a flood of relief when the other girl holds on tight. When neither of them choose to pull away. Rosie nods. "I'll keep telling you. From now on. No more trying to make up for something I didn't need to in the first place."
She's about to say more, but then there's that slow, shaken breath and Sabrina's regretful whisper, and Rosie makes herself stop and listen instead. It hurts, hearing it, the idea that Sabrina thought--that Rosie had suggested, unintentionally or not that night on the beach--she'd have to make herself smaller, make herself less for the sake of getting through their last year at Petros. It hurts nearly as much as she's aware her own honesty had cut Sabrina, deep and sudden. It's hard to put that aside to respond, and Rosie's silent for a long moment, her hands still tight in Sabrina's.
"Don't do that," she says, quiet but firm. "I don't want you to be someone you're not, and that I asked you, that you even thought..." She exhales sharply, shaking her head. "I don't need a different Sabrina. I don't want a different Sabrina. I want...I want you to understand that I can't always ignore the rumors as easily as Charlie could, and I can't fight back against them as fiercely as you do. That doesn't mean we let people get away with it, or say what they want, but it does mean that I need you to understand that. Sometimes I just...want to be bothered, or upset, and have you comfort me. Does that make sense?"
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She realizes she needed to hear that from Rosie, just as Rosie needed to hear the other from her.
"I understand," she says. "I'll try to keep my head on straight, then. You might have figured out it makes me furious for anyone to make you feel badly. I love you and But I'll try not to act in the moment unless I have to, and you can be the one to tell me if we need to do something. Besides, if someone really-- you know Marcus would bring the school down."
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It feels important for Rosie to start it, and so she does, gently tugging Sabrina forward as she moves closer herself. She only lets go of her hands once they're close enough for her to throw her arms around her instead.
"I love you, too," she says, letting Sabrina murmur the rest into her shoulder, the new plan already taking shape. The better one, something they've started to build together. "I'll let you know what I need, and when I need it, and we'll make it through together." She pulls back, still holding Sabrina close as she gives her a bright if shaky smile. "And you're right, Marcus would be terrifying. Newt and Kavinsky too, if they heard about it, even though they're Charlie's guardians and not ours. We won't need to do it on our own."
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She doesn't need to say how terrified she was at that prospect, and perhaps for the first time since she'd stared down at a circle of runes in her own blood, she feels like she's breathing easily. "We'll make it through," she agrees. "And I'm gonna date the hell out of you." Her nose crinkles. "You know what I mean."
We won't need to do it on our own.
It's always been one of the hardest things for her to remember, but she's going to try. "You might have to remind me too, but it's better, maybe, to have other people doing things. No matter how often I rush into things without thinking."
no subject
She quiets again as Sabrina continues, sobering a little under the weight of what she asks. "It doesn't work without other people," she says, knowing it's a lesson she's not yet perfected herself. "But I'll remind you, and so will Charlie."